There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.