When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.

My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.