When I'm working, I'm going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I'm just going to do creative work.

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.