Few men progress, except as they are pushed along by events.

One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.

The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers, and tax those who behave: government does little for fairly respectable people except annoy them.

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Everyone hates a martyr; it's no wonder martyrs were burned at the stake.