The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.

There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.

So long as we do not blow our brains out, we have decided life is worth living.

I have long been disposed to judge men by their average. If it is reasonably high, I am charitable with faults that look pretty black.

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.

Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

Loving everybody is polygamy. I care for no friend who loves his enemy equally well.