The most agreeable thing in life is worthy accomplishment. It is not possible that the idle tramp is as contented as the farmers along the road who own their own farms, and whose credit is good at the bank in town. When the tramps get together at night, they abuse the farmers, but do not get as much satisfaction out of it as do the farmers who abuse the tramps. The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

Probably no man ever had a friend that he did not dislike a little.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.