When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.

The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers, and tax those who behave: government does little for fairly respectable people except annoy them.

Everyone hates a martyr; it's no wonder martyrs were burned at the stake.

I declare my belief that it is not your duty to do anything that is not to your own interest. Whenever it is unquestionably your duty to do a thing, then it will benefit you to perform that duty.

I express many absurd opinions. But I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.

One trouble with growing old is that it gets progressively tougher to find a famous historical figure, who didn't amount to much when he was your age.