Man is still a savage to the extent that he has little respect for anything that cannot hurt him.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Love affairs have always greatly interested me, but I do not greatly care for them in books or moving pictures. In a love affair, I wish to be the hero, with no audience present.

Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

We are not free, it was not intended we should be. A book of rules is placed in our cradle, and we never get rid of it until we reach our graves. Then we are free, and only then.

When a man tells you what people are saying about you, tell him what people are saying about him; that will immediately take his mind off your troubles.