Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

If the fools do not control the world, it isn't because they are not in the majority.

We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us.

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.

When a man dies, and his kin are glad of it, they say, "He is better off."

Indignation does no good unless it is backed with a club of sufficient size to awe the opposition.