One trouble with growing old is that it gets progressively tougher to find a famous historical figure, who didn't amount to much when he was your age.

When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

Indignation does no good unless it is backed with a club of sufficient size to awe the opposition.

There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

Where the guests at a gathering are well-acquainted, they eat 20 per cent more than they otherwise would.

A man forgets his good luck next day, but remembers his bad luck until next year.