The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers, and tax those who behave: government does little for fairly respectable people except annoy them.

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.

None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.

Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.

Abuse a man unjustly, and you will make friends for him.

Reading is like permitting a man to talk a long time, and refusing you the right to answer.