Found out. A nothing player.

He's fat and a clown, Bill, a fat clown for all to see.

Somewhere in there the grace of a ballet dancer joins with the strength of an SAS squaddie, the dignity of an ancient kind, the nerve of a bomb disposal officer.

That's the first time I've seen sex between two men on the BBC.

I'll have you know that I am not a failed Third Division footballer. I am a failed Second Division footballer.

Every club he's been to has had great injury crises. Every club. And it's always hamstrings.

If ever a player was out of his class that night it was me.