Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.