Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.

This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.