To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.

Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.

If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.