A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.