An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.