A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.

Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.