Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.

An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.