A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.