I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.

San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?