He [Charlie Chaplin] was always playing as if it were to the camera, if you've seen the live shots of him when he's going to an opening night or something like that. And the skills that he had were beyond my ability to throw together. You just couldn't really compete with him. He was too athletic at that.

Fox hunting, there's big fox hunting thing, there's arguments in Britain about fox hunting. And they go around. They obviously hunt foxes because the foxes, they attack chickens. And posh people have an alliance with chickens just like in the First World War.

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.

It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt...you weird talking person.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?