In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.

When you're more mature, you do start telling the truth, in odd situations. "I'm sorry, I've broken a glass here. Is that expensive? I'll pay for it. I'm sorry." And you do that so that people in the room might go, "What a strong personality that person has. I like to have sex with people with strong personalities."

We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?