I'd like to have sex with myself.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.

Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen's. They're all frumpy aren't they? Because it's a bad idea when cousin's marry.

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.