Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

When I was seven, I said, "I want to act." When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted to be in them. Not a comedian, I wanted to be a dramatic actor. Films just seemed such fun, and like such a great thing to do.

I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.

We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Everyone gets cards at the beginning of life. I am transgender, I decided to be honest and tell everyone about it, and that's it.