Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.

If you can be your own force of nature and have a positive heart, then you can actually do something good in the world.

They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.

People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.

I'd like to have sex with myself.

That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?

Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, Oh, would you like insurance?