As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.