Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

What do hookers do on their nights off, type?