Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.