I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.