My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.