My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.