My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place; the comic strips.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.