I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'