I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.