I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

What do hookers do on their nights off, type?

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?