I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.