Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.