To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.