I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.