I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.