People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.