Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.

The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.