I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.

I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'