The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.