Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.