My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.