People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.

I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.