I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naïve hope.

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.