President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

What do hookers do on their nights off, type?

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place; the comic strips.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.