My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.