My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.

Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.

There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.