I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.