I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.

There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.