I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.

I used to think I knew everything, but older you get the more you see other areas. If you could read everything about both sides, you'll pretty much be in the middle again, which is the state you had when you were totally ignorant. So my theory is if you maintain total ignorance - which isn't easy, but I try - you'll be just as far ahead as if you'd spent days and days reading about the whole issue. And you have that much extra time to play Pac-man.

My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.

The nicest present I ever got was an exploding suppository.

Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.

Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.