Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.

I'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!

Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.

They have a sign at the beach, "no glass bottles". I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, "we've never had a democrat in the family before".

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.