I used to think I knew everything, but older you get the more you see other areas. If you could read everything about both sides, you'll pretty much be in the middle again, which is the state you had when you were totally ignorant. So my theory is if you maintain total ignorance - which isn't easy, but I try - you'll be just as far ahead as if you'd spent days and days reading about the whole issue. And you have that much extra time to play Pac-man.

If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.

Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.

I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.